ON EXPECTATIONS || Why You Should Let Go of Your Expectations
I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to let go of your expectations.
Do you remember a friend, colleague, or anyone in your life who had a big list of where they expected to be by what age, by what date, and even earnings milestones? How many times do you think they were disappointed when things didn’t pan out to be as they expected? I would be supremely impressed if they managed to hit their goals 100 percent of the time.
DISAPPOINTMENT STEMS FROM EXPECTATIONS
If you go into a contest or competition enjoying the process and IF you win an award then that’s great; if you go in expecting to win and you come back empty-handed, the expectation of winning is the reason why you are disappointed. If you were simply thrilled to have had the opportunity to participate, not being the ultimate winner or even ranking within the top three would not hit you as hard.
DOES IT MEAN I SHOULDN’T HAVE GOALS?
You should still set goals because they provide you with a general direction of where you want to go. What you want to loosen up on are the details. You want to be a singer broadcasted on national television?
Does it really have to be on Oprah or Ellen? Or can it be on the six o’clock news as a segment?
Does it have to happen within the next 6 months? Or is it actually ok if it takes you 1 year? Maybe even 2?
The key is to be aware that you are slowly getting there and to emphasize that you are moving in the right direction.
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS
Managing expectations isn’t just about managing your own expectations. Often times, you internalize other people’s expectations of you, and when you cannot meet these external expectations, your emotions and mental stability also take a hit. Although it is hard to disregard some external expectations, such as your parents’ expectations or your spouse’s expectations, it is important to keep them in check and remember that the life you are living is for yourself.
There are a few quotes to live by that important people have shared with me whenever I have been disappointed by my expectations of myself:
“Always look out for number 1.”
This little nugget of wisdom was actually shared with me by one of my friends who was combating depression and anxiety. They saw the amount of pressure I was putting on myself to be ‘successful’ and to ‘win’ in various areas of my life, and some of those expectations weren’t even my own, they were external expectations from family and friends, so what did they say? “Always look out for Number 1.” It did not immediately change my outlook and actions, but over the years, I am reminded of this phrase whenever I am faced with high bouts of stress in my work or personal life - instead of trying to please everyone, sometimes you just need to take some time for yourself.
“You feel what you let others make you feel.”
This one was shared with me by one of my long-time mentors. How we react to the opinions of others and to external events is something we have total control over.
How do you react to a loss? Does your mind tell you “there’s always next time and we are going to do better”, or “you suck and you will continue to suck and everyone probably thinks you suck”?
You get the idea - you can react very differently to the same situation and it is YOUR choice. So, if you aren’t married to your expectations of when and how you want everything to happen, you will definitely be less stressed, and when you experience less stress, you can start enjoying the process and having some fun in life.
Life is hard already, and layering your internal and external expectations on top of that probably won’t make it any easier. So, the next time you don’t win the prize, take a deep breath and remind yourself that there’s always a next time and move on.
