MENTAL HEALTH || Why We Need to Recognize Potential Scenarios for Trauma in Our Youth

It was the morning of her track meet day, and she was nervous.

My 10-year-old niece would participate in relay races and other activities at her school's track meet. She had been showing signs of anxiety about the impending date for over two weeks, and now that the day was finally here, the fear seized her with a tightening grip. 

She happened to be staying over at my parents the prior evening, and I had just returned from a lengthy business trip, so I also spent the night at my parents. She woke up as I was getting ready for work, wandered into my room, and called my name in a meek voice. She needed to consult with someone she trusted, and I was the best candidate as a self-proclaimed 'cool aunt'. She told me she was afraid of not performing well at the track meet because of insufficient practice; to add to the lack of training, it was also raining that day, and she had never practiced in such conditions. I asked her whether the same would hold for her competitors, who also needed more training for such situations. She nodded. As an adult, I first tried to appeal to reasoning and felt that I had settled that issue. However, my niece started to cry. It turns out the anxiety was overwhelming, and she was just scared she would do poorly at her events. Now, I had no adult rationale for irrational fear, and the best I could do was to offer to keep her company and tell my team that I would take the client meetings remotely that morning. I asked if that would make her feel better. She said yes.

I could have written off her panic as just nerves, but that would have been a traumatic experience for her. To us adults, a track meet that happens every year might seem trivial, but to young children, it might mean the world, like your 20th wedding anniversary or an interview for a promotion. How would you react if your wedding anniversary went awry? No one would fault you for crying if things beyond your control went wrong during your anniversary. So why do we tell children their situations are not a big deal? For them to stop crying and move on? Small things to us may not be so small in their eyes. Every experience leaves an imprint and impacts how they interact and handle future situations. 

The next time your little one asks for your hand, help, or attention, take the time to attend to their needs. If you ignore their requests for support, you will find that as they grow older, each moment you've brushed to the side teaches them not to rely on you for emotional support, which leads to them not sharing anything with you. Is that what you want?