Is it possible to have a stress-free existence? Would you really want that? 

I heard a sound bite this week on social media that triggered this thought. The person said: “If you’re not worrying about something big, that’s real; you’re going to worry about something small and delusional. You can forget about the whole stress-free thing. You wouldn’t even want that if you could have it. People are too ornery and unreasonable to want a stress-free existence.”

I’m not naming the speaker yet because we often judge the saying based on the person who said it, tainting the meaning with our own biases; I want us to stay objective. 

My take from this video clip is that if we’re going to worry and stress out about things in our lives, we might as well go after the big issues. A crucial note is to worry about big things that are within YOUR control. Worrying about issues you can exert zero control over is a waste of time.

Let’s explore whether it’s possible to be stress-free. I think we experience relative levels of high and low stress, and instead of spending the same amount of time worrying about small things that won’t move the needle, you might as well expend the same amount of energy and time worrying about the big things.

Parents worry about their kids to varying degrees throughout their lives. When their kids are toddlers, they watch their every move to avoid bumps and scratches. When the kids grow into teenagers, they constantly fear they will end up with the wrong group of friends. The list goes on. Why don’t you invest time teaching them the right values and developing your children’s critical thinking skills or financial literacy so that when it comes time for them to make a decision, you don’t have to be a helicopter parent and can trust their abilities to decide their fortunes? What I observe taking precedence over instilling values is where to go for the next family vacation to create memories (ie. Instagram photos) or when to allow their children to have iPads.

What if you don’t have kids? This is becoming more common nowadays, with single bachelorettes and bachelors opting to focus on enjoying the solo life. If that’s you, you might worry about your next career move (or whether you will get laid off), finances (or lack thereof), and where you’re going for your annual vacation (if you can afford it). I understand that some may worry about their next paycheque, but what if you set aside time to map out a bigger plan? This could mean assessing what skills you need to move up to the next pay grade and listing the steps to get there with deadlines and goals. If you are fortunate enough to be financially stable, maybe you focus on specifying the lifestyle you want to lead so you stop chasing the next shiny thing.

If you’re a student, your list may include who you’re dating, whether you’re dating, if you’ll get the role you want at the student club, and how you’ll pay off your student debt. Perhaps having a solid plan to pay off and minimize student debt would be the big thing out of this list.

Many more life scenarios we are all too familiar with come to mind. The reality is you won’t be stress-free. The key is how you manage it so it doesn’t take over your life. What is your recuperation mechanism after a stressful period in your life? Is it a solo trip? A girls’ trip? A few days reading books at home? A yoga retreat? Whatever it may be, you must be aware of and actively manage your energy levels. As with all things in life, if you aren’t taking the wheel, you’ll fall into the trap of life happening to you instead of making it happen, and you become the victim. Don’t be that person. At least be proactive in choosing what you worry about.

Ps. That sound bite? It came from Jordan B. Peterson.