As we grow up, we learn more about ourselves and say no to things that do not add to our lives.

One of the biggest things I've learned to say no to last year was to spend time with those that exuded negative energy. Sometimes it borders on emotional abuse when they reject your thoughts, feelings, and opinions. They want you to agree with their negative worldview.

Let's face it, we all have our fair share of issues to complain about when we meet with our friends, but I'm referring to individuals who believe that things will never get better. Constantly spending time in their worldview will bring anyone down. Of course, we all want to help and lend an ear to hear them out. What's wrong? Tell me about it. However, after the twentieth time listening to the same problem over several years, you start to think there's no end to it. It's the same person complaining about the same thing they feel will never be resolved.

There's a point when we need to realize that we don't have, nor should we have or be the solution to other people's problems. We also have no obligation to be the sponge to absorb their negative energy. Initially, you may think it's fine; your friend or family member is just going through a phase (and sometimes they are), but you need to recognize when prolonged emotional abuse starts to take a toll on your mental health. 

LIMIT YOUR EXPOSURE

I used to spend five days out of the week in the presence of someone who would be considered a classic ‘debbie downer’. In their eyes, everything will go wrong, nothing you do is ever enough, and even positive experiences can quickly turn sour when they express their depressing opinion.

Life events are objective, the difference is in how we interpret them. Needless to say, after being exposed to their ongoing remarks that cast a negative tint on everything around me, it was time for me to limit my exposure.

It was a test for me to see if removing their energy would be better for my mental health. I had to lessen my association with other people in the same social circle, so I transitioned from five days to two days of exposure, and I realized that I felt much better throughout the day, with less anxiety and fewer triggers for negative emotions.

HAVE A FRANK CONVERSATION

If you really care about this individual and they are an integral part of your life where you cannot easily cut ties (maybe it’s a family member, your spouse, or someone you care deeply about), then try to sit down with them to have an honest conversation. Let them know that you value your relationship, but they seem to have more deep-seated problems that are more suitable to be shared with a professional. You’re not an expert on these issues, and it’s also not your place to provide a solution, given you’re not a professional practitioner. You have tried your best to be a caring listener, but it’s beginning to take a toll on your mental health, so you would appreciate it if you could switch gears with your conversations to talk about other things in your lives.

CUT IT OFF WHEN IT BECOMES TOO TOXIC

If the first two ways didn’t work and your friend or family member continues to rely on you or a tendency to emotionally dump their negative feelings on you, then it’s time to realize that things aren’t likely to get better. The ability for them to unload their feelings to you may be the cause of why they aren’t choosing to get better. They know they will always have you to share their emotions. Even if you are not the sole outlet for them to vent their feelings, having one less outlet could help the individual rethink their current course of action; if they keep venting to their social circle, it’ll get smaller and smaller until everyone can no longer bear to listen to another rehash of the same issue with no solution in sight.

The above is my experience to improve my mental health because we all, unfortunately, will come across people who negatively impact our mental health. If you are experiencing mental health issues arising from similar social relationships, seek the help of a licensed practitioner.