You have probably gotten many requests like this throughout your career. These asks from friends in your network seem harmless, but they could be a ticking timebomb for your reputation and career. It takes years to build up a reputation and just moments to lose it. 

I will share two examples I recently encountered, one in which I declined to get involved and another which has been detrimental to my reputation because I wanted to pursue a new marketing opportunity and inadvertently dragged my client into it. 

SCENARIO 1 | CAN YOU REFER MY FRIEND FOR THIS POSITION?

I only make business referrals or recommendations if I have worked directly with the party in question over an extended period and can speak to their work ethic and integrity with 100% confidence. I discovered another requirement as I mulled over the most recent ask I received, which is to ensure their intention and motivation align with the organization I am going to refer them to. You will likely make few recommendations if you follow similar criteria because so few individuals make the cut. 

The criteria outlined above may sound like overkill, but understand that you will be the bridge connecting the two parties; if you make the connection and think it's hands-off from there, you are dead wrong. If something goes wrong with their interaction, your friend may ask, "Why would you refer me to someone like that?" 

I got a request to refer a friend of a friend to an organization, and I had never met them, so this was my first red flag. Secondly, they didn't invest the time to determine whether they met the baseline requirements for the position. Thirdly, the referee shared that they intended to strengthen their resume with this role, so I didn't see a reciprocal intention to contribute to the organization they wanted to be a part of; this is common, and we see it often, the "I want to get that title and organization on my resume" syndrome. It sounded like they were just there to take, without first thinking of what they could give to add value. I believe in structuring win-win scenarios, so this was a dealbreaker. 

Consider whether you would trust this person with your business reputation before making the ask to your network because you can't take it back. As much as we say we shouldn't judge and keep matters objective, if the referred individual makes mistakes or underperforms in a role you referred them for, it will inadvertently dampen your credibility. If this is the outcome, would you still reach out to your network on their behalf? You don't need to be nice regarding these types of requests. Make your referral criteria known, and you will have less to stress about.

SCENARIO 2 | Testing A New Marketing Opportunity

"You should do it first!" I exclaimed to my client, who is also a close friend. They trusted me, and I trusted the vendor--that was my mistake.

We placed an order with the vendor, signing an agreement that delivery would be within four months. The shipment never came, or rather, it never cleared customs because the vendor decided to classify their shipment as shoe glue--the shipment was not shoe glue. This led to the shipment being held up at customs for several months, well past the promotional period for my client, which meant even if the goods cleared customs, they would be worthless. 

The vendor proceeded with several inactions that step-by-step chipped away at the hard-earned reputation I had built up over 15 years. 

1. They didn't take additional steps, such as hiring a different customs broker, to clear the package.

2. They didn't proactively offer my client any compensation for the detriment they caused to the marketing campaign. We had to suggest how they could repair the relationship with the client. Even then, they offered just half the value our client paid because they wanted to avoid bearing the cost of the production and shipping (keeping in mind that this entire shipment is now useless to the client).

3. We followed up every week for four months to check the shipment status, and the vendor wasn't responsive or elusive about the progress. "Customs is inspecting it now; it should be out soon," was the same response we got week after week. 

4. We paid out of pocket to make another product shipment and received the shipment within two weeks. We asked if the vendor could pick up the shipment, but they refused.

I will write down this lesson and put it on my monitor to see it daily to remind myself not to fall into a similar trap again. Vet every person you work with and ensure their work ethics align with yours; this was an excruciating lesson I will not forget. This scenario is not an example of a product defect; it is one of a work ethics defect. My working relationship and friendship have been tainted due to this, even though my friend understands I intended to bring them a new product to stay ahead of the competition. 

I hope these two lessons help you avoid some costly future episodes. Remember, it's never as simple as a quick introduction; you're on the hook for every interaction and action of said individual--are you ready to be accountable for that?