“I feel like I shouldn’t take up any more of my mentor’s time unless I had made (positive) progress.”

Does this sound like something you feel as well? We’re conditioned only to share the good news, which is why many of the hardships and negative news often stays in the dark, and we see the world through rose-coloured glasses. The truth is, the road to building anything of value, whether that be a business or your career, is full of hardships along the way; it’s never a smooth path, and so you will have a fair share of bad news to share with your mentors.

The business world gives off the perception that we must have something of value to give before we can take from a business connection. We all have to start somewhere, and for most people, this means starting from zero. No funds, resources, experience or connections. This is where mentors come in.

This is similar to my friend’s situation, where they are building a business and have little to give. They shared that because of what they perceive as little progress in their work, they’ve neglected to stay in touch with their mentor because there’s ‘no good news to share.’

They believe society defines success as: “if you don’t have millions of users or aren’t earning big money, then it’s not a success.” Anything happening outside of garnering lots of users and making lots of money is considered mediocre.

This inspired me to think about my long-standing mentor relationships. Do I need to make sufficient progress each time I reach out to them? Do I see it as an act of reporting on progress whenever we see each other? Would they be disappointed or feel I’m wasting their time if I didn’t make progress?

I’ve been fortunate to have a few mentors who have accompanied and guided me in my career for the past 15 years since I graduated. If I had adhered to society’s definition of success, I would’ve been pretty depressed.

During my university years, as a starry-eyed aspiring entrepreneur, I often pestered my mentor about their marketing theories during their office hours, absorbing knowledge like a sponge. After I graduated, I started my first business, which made a grand total of zero dollars for three years.

How did I spend all that time? I was trying to open an operations bank account for our online currency exchange in 2007 (considered widely by banks as a high-risk business), securing funding for the startup during a time when the market crashed, and recruiting a team of developers to build a currency exchange platform (a specialized field where coders need to understand the legal implications). Even after getting past these hurdles, it wouldn’t have been considered a ‘success’ if we used my friend’s definition, where traction and sizeable revenue are needed.

I would’ve given up long ago if it hadn’t been for my mentor cheering me on.

What value did I offer to them all these years? Nothing really. I didn’t refer any business to them (they’re a marketing professor), nor did I expand their network. All they got out of it was to see me grow, and watch me learn from my mistakes, and even now, with some initial success in my business, all they got out of it was that they’re proud of me.

The fact that these mentors paid it forward and supported me as I developed into who I am today inspired me to mentor those willing to learn. Did they have connections I need, or am I banking on one of them making it big in the future? No. Those weren’t considerations when I decided whether or not to commit my time to them; my deciding factor is whether my contribution could help them on the road to realizing their true potential. Do they have the core ingredients, such as drive, ambition, grit, and the brains, so my expertise and mentorship could be one ingredient to supercharge their way ahead? Whether or not I am a part of their future success isn’t what I look for.

Understand that mentors truly devoted to you aren’t in it for the money; they get intrinsic satisfaction from watching you grow and realize your dreams. The world isn’t as transactional as you think it is. Of course, if you feel your mentor is in it for the money and just waiting to cash in on your success, then you have the wrong mentor.

It’s okay if you aren’t always the bearer of good news. Every event, good or basic is a learning opportunity. Sharing your learnings and growth with your mentor is what makes the relationship meaningful to them.